this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
I came in shy and timid. By the end of the night I hulked out broke two lamps, their coffee table, some plates, and still had sex.
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Randomize
