They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
