the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
I feel like we should actually go to church one of these days to thank god for saving us from herpes and babies.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
i just want to be sober by dinner like is that too much to ask
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
Randomize
