we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
I decided that not getting a job after college is gods way of telling me I will make a great housewife
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he was fingering the outside of my pants..i knew that was my cue to leave
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
she gave me a handjob in the middle of the night and my stomach growled so she walked out totally naked and came back 5 minutes later with two sandwiches. who the fuck says getting married is awful?
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
got some info she was last seen with some guy wearing goggles
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
