"it" just moved
I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
My vagina is in bus station locker number 1465.You can go talk to it if u like -in the mean time I’m going 2show up drunk and embarrass u at work.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Not gonna lie i was comfortable between the allsups air conditioners while you were talking to the cop.
Is my lip ring still in your hair?
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical�
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
So it turns out high me is very efficient. I set 5 alarms to remind me to do things, i made mac and cheese, and i wrote a poem. I'm going places.
Randomize
