Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
she takes plan B like it's going out of style
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
You were peeing on yourself thinking it was the sprinkler in your yard
and when he finished he handed me a baby wipe so i could clean up. i'm ok with the fact that he has kids, but not sure how to react to this.
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
Well my friend Jon slept on the couch and I slept next to my cooked lean pocket on the carpet
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
