my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Dude its so hot it my room I can't jack off. Its gonna be a long summer.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
A guy dressed like Jesus just gave me a mini keg. Prayers really do come true.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
He ate me out while I stood on his bed drinking a Rainier.
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