every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
its official: beach shits are the exact same as mountain shits
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
Just pee around me
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Randomize
