these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
i guess. but if i can salvage this and still somehow see you naked i feel like that's a win
my tampon string is in my asshole... do you think i can get it out without anyone noticing?
i'd get off the bar first.
just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
I feel I need to conquer him. He's six ft eight and 265lbs. Its like the mount Everest of sex.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
Randomize
