wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I hid drinks in her bathroom closet.... like a squirrel... a squirrel who knew she was going to get cut off soon
Think I just saw your homeless guy on High Street. Did you give him back his crutch?
I ate cinnamon toast crunch. I'm officially out of the puke zone. Blackout drunk Friday. WHAT IS GOOD.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
I just watched your sister pour half a bottle of cotton candy flavored snow cone syrup into a bottle of marshmallow flavored vodka, take a swig, frown, and pour a cherry coke in.
Just wait until she offers you a "powerita"
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
He’s over 6 feet has amazing posture and went to Harvard and has an awesome job and a great dick and loves Jesus and is an organ donor
Is this the guy you have listed as free food in your phone
Noooo he’s listed as free food #5
Randomize
