Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
Can we hire someone to dj while we have sex?
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well. Now I feel like I put pants on for nothing.
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Randomize
