I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
I wish everyone walked around campus with a video of what they did this weekend above their heads.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
I just want to apologize for screaming when I saw you the other day. It's just that you looked really gross and I was high.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
I want to break his glasses with my pelvis.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
