Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
Did you draw a mustache on my drivers license picture??
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
I just threw up in my hands while sitting on the toilet
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
I wiped my ass with some girl's sock, I would honestly admit if I hate Caitlin's sandwich.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
