I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I'm stuck in a tree and request your assistance ASAP
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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