I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I told them I was gay and asked them to pass the pie. I ruined pumpkin pie for grandpa.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
You know it's last call at a gay bar when the guys at the urinal are just jacking off in front of each other. Most awkward pissing moment of my life.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
