She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
I just realized that "Hey girl, when you gonna let me tap that?" is in iambic pentameter. I'm going to write a poem...
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Hey man. We haven't met but my name is Ben. I threw up a bunch at your house last night. I heard you smoke though so I'll smoke you out anytime.
I FEEL LIKE I CAN TAKE DOWN A FULLY GROWN MOUNTAIN LION WITH ONLY A POINTY STICK OH MY GOD
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
He was eating me out on a samsung washing machine and as soon as I came, I heard the "end of cycle" song. That tune will now always remind me of the screaming, multiple orgasms I recieved tonight!
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