dude i'm inner monologue high
we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
We should install the 'help i've fallen and can't get up' buttons on our bodies for this weekend. Birthday weekend calls for extra measures.
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Pray for me. I just had a sex dream about Debbie Wasserman-Schultz.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
