I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
So it turns out there are pros and cons to having a broken wrist. Pro: I can give amazing blowjobs with my left hand. Con: I just had to open a packet of crisps with scissors.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
I miss forts and drugs that made me believe in unicorns...
I'll tell you that it involved a pair of pliers and a trip to the ER.
I demand a full explanation right now.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
