I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
We got really high and he took a green marker and made my vagina into a Christmas tree.
You ask to touch his thighs ten times and called them magnificent.....need I say more
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