my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
just licked the cheese off a burger. that high.
Randomize
