Pregnant stripper...not hot.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Seriously I just dipped a banana in vodka I really need to stop drinking
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I just wrote a love letter to my weed and texted it to my cousin. I can't say it any differently. It happened.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize
