Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
I heard that if you win you get to have sex with me. You guys really need to stop wagering my vagina.
as my niece was drinking milk out of a crown royal glass i realized i dont think i've ever bought a glass that didnt come with a bottle of liquor....
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
I feel as if the hash cupcakes on top of mushroom chocolates was a little excessive last night
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
So today was the first day i've been sober since Wednesday according to my roommate!
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
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