Joe is yelling at the trees again.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
What does it mean when the bartender gives you 4 straws?
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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