Please, let me fuck your mom
That's the first time you've ever said the L word without referring to drinking or partying.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
I tried to have a quickie with him at the company happy hour. I think I need to quit my job.
The convent might be a nice break from real life
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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