You would DIE at the bar we're at right now. All indian/asian med students, I swear
Asian doctor ratio. So hot. I would've gone into heat
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
Ever find yourself wondering if your life is God's way of telling a joke?
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
im suggesting it to him. and by suggesting i mean we're not having sex again unless im wearing high heels
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I wanted lighthearted conversation about ordering bulk condoms and anal lube but he's depressed and talking about god hating him, ugh
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Sent. All. My. Texts. Like. This. Last. Night. Thank. You. Weed. Also. Had. A. Dream. About. A. Serial. Killer. That. Killed. Everyone. Except. Me. And.
Randomize
