Did you go home with that guy without me?
Sorry boo - it's pouring and I found a boy with a car
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Just had the best idea EVER: start a mead brewing/dispensery business! WE CAN BREW IT IN MY GIANT CLOSET, AND NEVER BE SOBER AGAIN.
He wants me to tell you "my boner misses you"
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
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