Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Please tell me I did not ask the bartender how big his dick was.
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
You think you're smart. You're pretending to be asleep to save yourself from my hormonal pms mood swings. Unfortunately that only works against bears.
Did we seriously steal a wet floor sign from McDonald's then get chased down by a homeless man for it? Never drinking again.
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Randomize
