i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
I'm on the strip, it's like a mini new years eve. Some girl just got taken away on a stretcher with her meter margarita in her hand claiming it's trophy for being awesome. Damn tourists are lightweights.
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Just bartered a McD's cheeseburger and fries for two pitchers. Oregon Trail ain't got shit on me.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
I'm taking a leave of absence and sending myself to fat camp. I'll let you know when I'm out.
I can not say for certain that I did not blow someone in the bathroom at the bar at some point.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
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