Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
it was like having sex with a tree stump
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
The dicks good but it's not two trains and a bus good.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Randomize
