So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Should I be offended if he asked if he could use saran wrap to eat me out?
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She answered the door wearing a blanket and holding a golf club. I was too late for this party.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize
