I haven't been laid since Bush was president.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
He came to the party late, didn't bring tacos, and then asked what shennanigans we were getting into. I swear I will never fuck another hipster.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
You dropped a beer and it was like when wilson floated away. Complete with sobbing apologies
Shit, no womder she didn't wanna fuck me
I enjoy the company of your penis
I love waking up to reeses ice cream. But I DONT love waking up to it all over my cat. I blame you.
I just saw a guy walking up the stairs with his dick out his pants. I let him know, and he just looked down in shock, laughed, and continued walking up the stairs.
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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