wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Woke up in a different state, wearing only a bk crown. My boxers are in a tree and I think I went to the hospital last night.....
I told you not to do acid with the girl who works the late shift at 7-11
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I'm sitting the next couple hours out. Puking in a potted plant really put shit into perspective for me.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
He offered to teach me how hula hoop in exchange for acid. I took him up on it.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
he was the first penis i touched… i have to go to his shitty bands first gig, i mean come on now
Randomize
