My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
She told me having sex was our civic duty. How can I not love her?
I think you might be the first man ever to describe getting a blowjob as "neat"
Bank just called....we left my debit card in the ATM last night.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
Randomize
