I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
I noticed when you had too much when you were yelling "HOE-HAVE-A-SEAT" to his cat.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
Sex tent. say it aloud its amazing. promise you we rnt stoned.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
So good news, aparently I blacked out and tried to go in the back of the mcdonalds to thank the people for makin my fries
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Okay, so is being determined to have my vagina licked by a woman on Valentine's day an acceptable goal?
I made out with that lesbian chick for a blunt. NO REGRETS.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
