I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
i just yelled "run, its godzirra!" to an asian kid who looked confused by the tornado alarm test
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
I think I sprained my soul last night
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
He's honking my boob in his sleep
It's innocent and endearing in some way
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