I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
love makes seman taste better
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
Randomize
