i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
So i woke up on a park bench... Using my shoe as a pillow, cuddling a empty handle of vodka... Yet I'm still in my living room. Someone please tell me why all my vodkas gone? I'll deal with the park bench situation at a later time.
Randomize
