and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
We're on a cock hunt. Everything is fair game.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
I gave the bathroom attendant $5 last night for turning the sink on for me. What. The. Fuck.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize
