M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
She was pretty drunk. It was like watching a puppy explore the world for the first time.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Wait, you met him on Onlyfans? The guy from last night? Which one of you is the fan?
Because one of you banged your stalker
Randomize
