i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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