My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
I got lit on fire and andy went to jail last night. Totally unrelated incidents though.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
You can either drink his whiskey or be a bitch. Doing both is just mean.
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
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