but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
he's washing the lighter in the sink and telling me to picture unicorns. requesting backup.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
You are the jesus of drinking
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
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