fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
