apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Well, I want to see you regardless of whether or not you will lick whipped cream off my body.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
It's a low moment when you're looking at your girlfriends tits on your daughter's phone..
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I finished my first whiskey and I'm waiting to have a second one in celebration when your pregnancy test comes back negative
Randomize
