You smell like stripper and shame
i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
my passenger side seat is covered in alcoholic jello with a nude mannequin in it
Someone will be leaving this trip either pregnant or devastated.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I know she was blacked out, but she looked directly at the toilet and said "we meet again"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
