the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
Lead with your genitals is the best advice I can give you.
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
Oh yeah. I pretty much fucked the universes brains out lastnight. It was glorious.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
