I actually just cleaned easy glide lube off my desk. My life has gone way down hill since I met you.
if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
I refuse to go to this wedding alone, or sober. Practice drunk-walking in heels and a Bridesmaid dress begins tonight.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Sorry, I am not your wing girl tonight,. in my pjs, eating cereal from the box. Hell I only shaved the inside of my legs just so they wouldn't itch. Not happening.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
I need time to grow out my leg hair and not be sad anymore
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
Randomize
