in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
We were destined to go to rehab together
Had a dream that you were held at gun point. But I killed the guy. Then we embraced in the biggest hug while everyone around us clapped... Kinda how I imagine our wedding...
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
My apologies. I'll try not to let my dick interfere with official work duties in the future.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
