I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
and please, if you feel the urge to call me crying tomorrow night, do so. i will be home bored and sober.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
Randomize
