Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
Randomize
