I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
He grabbed a pine cone off the ground and yelled "I love cigars" then tried to smoke it for ten minutes.
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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