Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
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