That's kind of creepy but I guess since I'm wearing your dad's pants nothing is off limits anymore
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
Why do you keep getting laid in MY dreams
Your dad's facebook is ejaculating midlife crisis all over my minifeed
You look cute and you are awesome. And that means something coming from a judgmental bitch
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
Living room floor. I asked him to give me a back rub. He did. And smoothly transitioned that to foreplay, then basically threw me on the floor. My vagina hurts. He deserves another Christmas present.
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize
