so explain again why im purple
no
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
scale of 1-10 how well do I give head
5, but i have never had a 10. best was an 8 so if i grade you on a curve you are a 7. ish.
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
If the river was whiskey, it would be the best river ever.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Fuck your fuckin pumpkin spice. You and your subtle differences frighten and disgust me.
Randomize
