Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
Randomize
